The Painful Truth
by Fidelis Scriptor
Summary: Donna's thoughts on a nightmare she has.
1. Chapter 1

The Painful Truth

Tired. Exhausted. Completely and utterly drained.

Yet I couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't stand to see the nightmares again. The constant reminder that I was only his friend.

They always start the same way.

Me in the Doctor's strong, slightly cold arms with him beaming down at me. I feel happy and content, just the two of us together.

And then she shows up.

Rose Tyler.

The Doctor pushes me away as if I was on fire and gleefully runs over to the blonde, pulling her into his arm and into a heated kiss.

I keep calling out to him and he finally turns to look at me, and then he says those words.

'Thank you for being my mate, Donna. At least until Rose returned to me.'

That's all I was. A mate, a friend, a companion. The nightmares showed me that.

Yet it still tore my heart as he turns away from me and leaves with the smirking Rose.

It shouldn't break my heart.

But it does.

It would kill me if the Doctor found about how I feel about him. He loved Rose. He could never be able to love boring, old Donna Noble.

And yet, how I wish he could.

_Stop being so daft, Donna. Like he could ever love you._

No, he can't.

I know now though, that if Rose comes back, then I'll save Martian boy the trouble and just throw myself out into the Vortex.

I feel better now, knowing that my beloved Martian would probably be grateful that I left before I became even more of a burden.

He'll finally be happy once his Rose comes back.

Then the nightmares will go away at last.


	2. The Truth Revealed

Author's Note: There are two scenarios of this sequel and this is the first one. So, enjoy the first scenario!

Warning: Character death.

* * *

_Of course she found us._

Bloody Rose Tyler would never give up, not for the man she thought was rightfully hers. So of course the Doctor wouldn't think anything of it of allowing her to join us. He didn't notice it when Rose slipped poison into my cup of tea, babbling about a planet with birdlike people, and I didn't comment as I sipped it. The TARDIS knew though, but I wouldn't let her tell him. _He's happy_, I mentally told her, _let him be_. She didn't agree, but all the same said nothing.

I didn't fight it. I knew that the Doctor loved her and me telling him would only react in him becoming angry with me and I had too much pride to let him tell me off. So I sipped the tea, every day, letting her slowly poison me. What was the point anyway? _He's going to return you to __Cheswick__ as soon as he can. No use in fighting and besides, how are you going to continue without the Doctor?_

I couldn't. That's why I didn't fight. Oh, I called her every name under the sky, but never out loud. I wanted to give the girl a good slap and send her home to grow up, but the Doctor loved her. Well, he's never actually said it, but I know as well as Rose that he did. He was happy with her and I knew it.

My nightmares got worse and worse. They were the same every time. Sometimes I would just lay there weeping into my pillow, while other times I would scream until my throat burned. The TARDIS made sure that the Doctor never heard them. Lately I had taken to waking up, putting on my dressing gown, and going to the room with the orange sky and red grass. It's peaceful there and I can relax there before falling back into the nightmares.

But the Doctor doesn't notice. He's too busy showing Rose the wonder of the space while I stayed in the shadow. He should be happy with her and forgetting about me. But there are times that he grabs my hand not hers when we run, or he'll smile at me as if I'm the most important woman in the universe. How I wish I could smile at him and tell him that I love him. But then I see Rose's jealous, possessive face and know she's going to slip me more poison and I know I will sip it again.

I can't seem to bring myself to care anymore.

It's gotten worse. I can feel the poison spreading through my body, numbing me. It was getting worse, to the point where I faked illness to keep from going with the Doctor on trips. It hurt watching him leave out the door with her, but I always smiled at him and told him it would be fine and that I would get better. _Liar, he knows there's something wrong and you're not telling him. _

The pain grew worse each day that passed. I couldn't handle it anymore and went to tell the Doctor to take me to Cheswick. That's when I saw him and Rose in the library, Rose stroking his face as she leaned up to kiss him.

God, it _hurt._

I couldn't. Not anymore. It hurt too much. No matter how much I love him, I can't watch him any longer. Turning, I headed down the hall towards the console room. In my mind, the TARDIS was pleading with me. _Let him explain, Noble Lady, do not leave him. My Thief will explain_. I tried to hold back a sob, but my body was too weak from the poison. It was too much for me and I couldn't do it. I got to the doors of the TARDIS, ignoring her distressed calls and opened the door, looking out into the stars. Tears filled my eyes as I stared out into the beautiful space and tenderly took a step forward, holding my breath as a prepared to step out.

**Donna.**

_Doctor?_

_No. He's with Rose in the Library. I'm alone_. I took a step forward, putting my hands on either side of the doorway. The TARDIS began crying louder in my mind, but I stubbornly stayed where I was.

**Donna, answer me.**

_No! He's not mine! He was never mine! Why would he need me when he has her! _Sobs went through my chest and everything in my body hurt. The poison was getting to me and making it harder to breathe and I stood at the very edge of the doorway, leaning forward.

"DONNA!"

Turning slightly, I saw the Doctor standing by the console, his handsome brown eyes wide with fear and he took a step towards me. Behind him, Rose was trying to lead him back toward the library. Rose had her hands covering her ears and was looking around at the TARDIS, which I realize was making a wailing sound through the room and in my mind. Looking at the Doctor, I couldn't help the tears that were streaming down my face and everything felt too much for me. I couldn't last much longer and looking into his eyes, I could tell that the Doctor knew this. The pain, hurt, and ancient loneliness that shone in his eyes made me want to throw my arms around him and hug him to death.

_But he's not yours. He belongs to her._

**No, Donna. I belong to you.**

"Doctor..." _I love you, even if it's wrong__._

**Oh, Donna there is nothing wrong with that. **

_Yes there is! You love Rose and I don't want to be a burden anymore! _

**Burden? Donna you could never be a burden to me. Rose? I never loved Rose; she's here because I thought I owed her that for leaving her in Pete's World. **

Then pictures of Rose slipping poison into my tea and me sipping it flashed through my mind and I knew that the Doctor saw them because his face was one of shock, betrayal and then barely controlled anger. **How long has she been poisoning you, Donna? **

I wanted to sob and fall but instead I just leaned against the doorway. _Too long_. What more could I say? I couldn't even speak out loud anymore because of the pain. His eyes softening just a bit, the Doctor took a step towards me, softly saying my name. My heart thumped painfully, trying to battle the effects of the poison. "Donna, please, stay with me." _But why? Why me?_

The Doctor gave a small smile and said out loud, "Because I love you."

My eyes filled with tears again and I smiled at him, taking a step away from the door, reaching my hand out for him, watching him step away from Rose towards me with love radiating in his eyes.

_**BANG.**_

I gasped. Looking down, I saw the small growing stain of blood in my chest. The burning sensation moved through me and I leaned backwards, only to fall out of the doorway into space. The Doctor let out a scream and reached out for my hand, only being stopped from falling into space with me by Rose grabbing him around the waist and pulling him back. I gave him a small smile before letting the darkness surrounding me embrace me fully. _Be happy, Doctor. Never forget me._


	3. Truth Revealed Scenario 2

**Author's Note: **So this is another scenario I wrote for The Painful Truth. I hope you guys enjoy and review it. It is _very_ different then #1, but I feel this one is a little bit more like how Donna would have reacted. But I like both of them. This little trilogy-best word I could use- confuses me emotionally, but nevertheless, here you go!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who or any of the characters (because then things would have been so different...)

* * *

_Of course she bloody found us_.

I watch as the Doctor hugs Rose tightly and lifts her up in his arms. The TARDIS makes a sound of agreement and I'm glad, once again, that she is on my side. _Just what I needed; Rose Tyler here. _This couldn't get any worse. Not only was I planning on telling the Doctor how I felt, but now I had to deal with a clingy teenager who won't let go of him. _Might as well make some tea. Doubt she knows how to make a decent cuppa. She's only what-twelve? _Hearing a laugh-like sound in my head, I pat the TARDIS' walls and head into the kitchen. _Wonder what she'd do to stay with the Doctor_. I let out a snort as I put the kettle on. _Not that she has to do much once the Doctor gets rid of me._

Sighing, I sit at the table and try not to feel as lost as I really am. I know the Doctor loves Rose but it doesn't make me feel any better. _Here I was, about to tell him I love him. Lucky me that girl came and saved me from the embarrassment of confessing my emotions like a lovesick teen_. What can I do? The sight of her in his arms make my chest ache and I remember my nightmares. They warned me that this was going to happen but I wouldn't listen. My traitorous heart had me falling in love with my best friend. Which isn't that hard, mind you. From his gravity defying hair to his dark expressive eyes to his red trainers, it was impossible not to.

Maybe I should just save him the trouble and jump out of the TARDIS into the Vortex. Be a hell of a lot easier than this.

"Now why would you want to do that?"

_Holy baby Jesus was that_-I look up and see the Doctor standing in the doorway, his shoulders tense and his face slightly confused and hurt. Did he hear what I thought? "Do what?" _Oh, God don't tell me I said that out loud!_

"Jump out of the TARDIS. Not that I would let you," he added, crossing his arms. I knew that he felt hurt that I would say that and would want to know why I would thought that.

"Did-did I say that?" I play the innocent card. I know it won't get passed him, but it will hopefully bide me time. I stand up quickly and head over to the kettle before pouring the hot water in the cups. _Quick, change the topic_. "So where are you taking her first?" _Oh great Donna. That didn't sound forced at all._ "I mean, considering that you finally got her back now, you don't need a mate anymore." _Now he pities you. Great, just great_. "I guess that-I mean, I promised forever-but that was before-"

"Donna, what's wrong?"

Everything. "Nothing's wrong. Just, I'm going to..." I back away from him and miserably say,"...go."

Heading down the hall, I quickly enter my room and lock the door. _I can't. I can't do this anymore. I almost told him that I loved him! Dear God, I almost TOLD him! _Going to my closet, I pull out all my suitcases and began tearing my clothes off the hangers, throwing them carelessly into the cases. The TARDIS made an alarmed sound in my head and I say, "He has her. Why does he need boring, old Donna Noble? He doesn't. I'm not a skinny tall blonde that can go wherever he wants to."

"I don't need a skinny blonde for where I want to go."

Letting out a gasp, I turn around and see the Doctor standing in the doorway. Why can't he let me just leave? "I..."

"Donna, why are you packing?" _Did his voice just break? _

"I may not be brilliant, Doctor, but I'm not that dim! I know that you're gonna dump me back in Cheswick as soon as you get the chance, but don't act like you aren't going to." _Don't make it worse for me. Just let me leave already._

"Why would I take you back to Cheswick? Donna you're not making any sense."

Finally, I've had it.

"Don't you get it! Now that Rose is back, you don't need me anymore! I'm strong, Spaceman, but not that strong! And I'll be damned if I sit back and watch this anymore. God, for a Time Lord, you're pretty daft!" I take a deep breath of shuddering air before continuing with," Don't you realize what I was going to tell you tonight when we went to dinner?"

_He looks like he's in pain. Does he really not know? Might as well tell him, he isn't going to figure it out anytime soon._

"Doctor, I love you. That's why I'm leaving. Because I know you love Rose and that you are too kind to ask me to leave."

"Donna, that's not true." He walks over to me and grabs my hands, ignoring my attempt to pull them away. He lifts my chin to meet his dark eyes and I notice for the first time that I'm crying. "I don't love Rose and I don't need anyone but you by my side. I've been so blind lately; I thought it was only me that felt this way and I was an idiot for not telling you sooner."

_What is he saying? Is he saying what I think he's saying? _"Oh, Spaceman, I'm sorry-"

"No, you listen to me Donna Noble. You can go home anytime you wish, but I'm not letting you go home until you hear me out. I love you and I'm not about to lose someone else."

"But I thought you loved-"

"No, Donna. I never could have loved Rose. Yes, I loved her innocence, but she idolizes me too much. I'm not a god; and she doesn't realize this. Not like you. You, Donna, stop me when I've gone too far and know that I'm not human and don't resent me for that. I was falling in love with you from the moment you first appeared on the TARDIS. I'm not about to lose you, so please...don't leave."

_He actually loves me_. I look up at him and nod slowly, before he cups my face and leans down to kiss me slowly. His lips are soft, and slightly colder than mine. _This is heaven. Yep, I've died and gone to heaven. _

"Doctor?! What are you doing?!"

_Never mind._

Looking up, I see Rose standing in the doorway, red faced and looking like a little kid who just had her toy taken away. I try to step away from the Doctor only to find that he has wrapped both arms around me and isn't letting go. Looking at his stern face, I can tell that Rose is about to get a lecture. "What do you mean, Rose."

"What are you doing kissing that ginger cow?! You're suppose to be with me! You burnt a star for me remember! She was just temporary until I came back."

"That's where you are wrong, Rose Tyler. Donna isn't temporary; she is my love and nothing you can do or say will change that."

Letting out a shriek of anger, Rose yelled blasphemies at the Doctor. I had enough and finally yelled, "Oi! Enough of that! Now listen here, you are too old for this. God, if this is how you acted with the Ninth Doctor, I'm not surprised he regenerated! You've got to do a lot of growing up, young lady. The Doctor isn't a pet or toy you can can just keep; he's a Time Lord, an alien."

"But he's mine!"

_Good God this girl is thick! _

"Alright! Come with me both of you!" Holding my hand, the Doctor grabbed Rose's wrist and pulled us to the console room where he began moving around the console with his usual enthusiasm. I watch him, amused, and notice how contently the TARDIS is purring in my mind. _You seem very happy with yourself? Is it because I'm staying? _Another hum answered my question and I smile. If the Old Girl accepted me, then I know it was an added bonus to the Doctor. I glance at the doors and wonder _would I really have jumped out of the TARDIS_? Feeling his gaze on my I look at the Doctor and shake my head at his worried expression. _No, I wouldn't. It would hurt him too much. _

Once the TARDIS had landed, the Doctor grabbed my hand again and led an angry Rose towards the doors. Outside was a park and an older woman was standing near the TARDIS. As soon as she saw Rose, the woman ran to her and hugged her. Rose let out in a squeak, "Mum?!"

"Jackie, I think it's time that you stop spoiling your daughter. As for you Rose, I suggest that you do some growing up. It wouldn't do for a girl like you to waste your life looking for me anymore. As you've seen I'm doing quite well without you," the Doctor said before turning and pulling me alone with him back to the TARDIS.

Rose kept screaming obscenities and insults which I and the Doctor ignored until she called me a "ginger tart who was too fat and old to give the Doctor what he really wants."

_Ouch. That one actually hurt._

Looking at the Doctor I see his Oncoming Storm face and whisper, "Ignore her, she's mad and not thinking." _He's not listening. Please don't do something that you will regret later on. _

Turning around, the Doctor glared at Rose, who was shrinking back into her mothers arms, and said quietly," Don't. You. Dare. You are not worthy of even saying her name!"

"Doctor! That's enough." _He's scaring them. He'll never forgive himself if he keeps this up. _I pull him back to the TARDIS and push him in, ignoring the way he is shaking. Looking back at Rose I say,"Be glad I stopped him." She does nothing except shake her head and I look at her mother's tearful face and give her a sad smile before saying, "He's right about her. Don't let her off the hook easily anymore."

With that, I enter the TARDIS and watch as the Doctor quickly sends us into the Vortex. _That daft girl doesn't realize how much she hurts him._ If I hadn't been sure about my feelings for the Doctor, I would have honestly left him alone with that little terror. "Donna?" Looking up I see the Doctor watching me, a rueful smile on his lips. I walk over to him and place my hands on his chest before asking, "You really do love me."

"More than you can imagine."

"Good. Because I'm not letting go of my Spaceman ever." With that, I pull his lips down onto mine, glad that I was what he needed to be happy.


End file.
